What Ella Taught Me

Every once in a while I'm able to find the time to read the blogs of some of my favorite people.  I've pretty much lost touch with most of them, but they still hold a special place in my heart.  Today I looked at a blog written by a guy in my old ward in NC.  I actually never knew him, but I knew his wife, if only to say "hi" to.  A little over a year ago, Tiffany gave birth to a little girl named Ella.  Ella has Cornelia de Lange Syndrome.  Ella could pass away at any time.  I've been following Ella's story for a while now.  I see her sweet picture and I read the things written by her father, and I feel sympathetic, a little sad.  I've thought for a long time that I'm missing some kind of sympathy gene.  when bad things happen to other people, I just don't feel the heartbreak for them that others do.  I've always admired people who are truly empathetic.  Maybe I'm like the Grinch and my heart is two sizes too small.  Maybe I'm a bitter person (but I don't feel bitter).  maybe I have an over-developed subconscious eternal perspective.  Maybe I'm just exhausted.  I don't know.

Anyway, back to Ella.  I was reading back posts because it's been a few months since I looked at her blog.  Her dad posts many pictures, and it's clear that Ella is one of the World's Happiest Babies.  She just looks like a sweet, happy, loving, patient, forgiving girl.  Almost every picture makes me smile because you can't help but love and root for this girl.  Libby came up behind me and said "what's that?" (she hasn't figured out the proper usage of "who" vs "what" yet).  I said "It's a baby".  "What kind of baby?" "A girl baby".  "What's her name?" "Ella" "When Ella grows up, she'll be my best friend."  I was about to give her my usual "yeah, OK", when I stopped.  Instead, I said "Ella's not going to grow up" "why not?" "Ella is very sick".  Libby accepts that answer with the innocent nonchalance of childhood.  I don't.  Suddenly, I feel that heartbreak.  I've been typing and parenting through a sheen of tears.  At the same time I feel outstanding admiration for her parents, who, instead of mourning what will inevitably happen, take immense joy in Ella's presence today.  What amazing people they are.  How blessed I am to be able to learn from this child whom I've never met.  And you never know, someday maybe she and Libby will meet in heaven, and will be best friends after all.