And You Wonder Why I Never Go Out

This morning I took the girls to see "Bee Movie" with our ward playgroup. Libby decided halfway through that it was time to go. Well, I decided after having to chase her down a dozen times and after about 3 tantrums. Since I was already halfway to Richardson, I called John to see if we could meet for lunch. I finally got a hold of him as I was coming up on his building. He told me he was working on something with his Project Manager and didn't think he'd be done anytime soon. So I turned around and headed home. A few minutes later he called back and said they had finished and would I mind turning around again and coming to get him. So we got to go to lunch together after all, which we haven't done in ages.

And now the reason I hate leaving home: By the time we got back to the apartment, Jaina was screaming so hard she was barely pausing for breath and her legs were shaking. She hates being in the car that much. So I had Jaina in one arm and was carrying Libby's leftovers in that same hand and had the diaper bag over my shoulder with Libby holding my other hand. All went well until we got to the stairs. Libby refuses to go up the stairs sometimes. Last week she ran away from me to the back courtyard. Today she grabbed on to the rail and wouldn't budge. So here I am with a baby literally screaming in my ear, my hands full, and a toddler who won't move, and it's over 90 degrees outside. So I grabbed ahold of Libby's arm and hauled her upt 3 flights of stairs, her feet dragging behind her, and she is alternately laughing and screaming. If Jaina had budged in the slightest bit I would have dropped them both. When we got to the top, Libby threw herself on the ground screaming. Needless to say, she went straight to bed.

This happens almost every time I go out by myself with the girls. So now I feel like I can't leave the apartment because I get so blazing mad when I have to haul Libby up the stairs. And it's not safe for me to just leave her behind. I did that once because I had no hands to carry her, and when I came back down to get her she was in the back courtyard playing in a puddle. If I'm not in a hurry and if Jaina isn't screaming and if it isn't a thousand degrees out, I just wait so I don't lose my temper. The problem is, it's always a thousand degrees out and Jaina is almost always screaming.

We had decided last week to extend our lease by another year, maybe two. We really like our apartment and the community. But I can't take advantage of the community or the play space here because I hate going out, dreading the trip home. So Libby has to stay inside all the time, which isn't good for her. She loves to be out. Lately she has been begging for movies all the time during the day because she is bored. So I can either go out and resent my daughter, or we can stay in and turn her into a TV junkie. Neither of those options are acceptable.

Tonight we are driving to the older side of town to look at some rental homes. Our Home Teacher drove around his neighborhood last week and priced all the homes for rent, mapped them (and all the members of the ward that live over there), and sent us all the info - price, bedrooms, square footage, and photos. What a great guy! We're hoping we can find one we like that isn't a dump. We haven't decided for sure that we will move (we really don't want to deal with the stress and the expense of moving) but it seems to me that we will be better off in the long run. I hope so.