I Didn't Think He'd Really Do It

Becase of John's Celiac Disease, he has trouble digesting certain foods, namely beans and some spices, such as chili powder. A few years ago my mom told me that mixing just a little bit of apple cider vinegar in with foods like chili, or anything else with lots of beans would help John's body digest the beans. I remembered the vinegar water (1 cup water with a splash of ACV) she would give me when I had bad stomach cramps. She used to say "It will either make you throw up, or it will stop the cramps. Either way, you'll feel better." It never made me throw up, but it always, always, made me feel better within minutes. (I even called her from school once to bring me some. The school nurse was incredulous when she watched me down the vinegar water and get up from the cot where I had been writhing in pain for 30 minutes and just walk out the door.) Anyway, back to John.

So now when I cook something with beans, I always add a splash of vinegar, about 1/2 a tablespoon (1 1/2 teaspoons) for 2-3 cans of beans. You can't taste it in the final product (if you can taste it, you added too much). Sometimes I forget, or sometimes, like last night, I buy something already prepared (7-layer bean dip). In this case, I tell John to whip up a swig of vinegar water before he eats. Last night he said "It tastes so bad, I'd rather just drink it straight". I laughed, and thinking no one would be that, um, not smart, I went on my way to clean out the litter box and get Hobbit some fresh litter. (Side note: we use natural pine litter - no dust, no smell, and no nasty chemicals. $2.99 for a 7-lb bag at Trader Joe's, $5.99 for a 7-lb bag at the pet store) Just after I dumped the litter, I hear John in the kitchen make a weird noise and start gasping. He runs into the bathroom, forces out "can't breathe!" with his eyes bugging out of his head, and collapses to the floor. "Did you drink it straight?!!" I yelled. I pounded him on the back until he could breathe again, then got him some ice water with a straw. He lay gasping on the floor for about 30 minutes.

I got online to make sure it wouldn't kill him (it won't), then finished my kitty duty. John eventually got up. I told him "I didn't think you'd really do it, or else I would have told you not to". He said "why didn't you think I would do it?" "One whiff of that stuff should tell you it's not a good idea. I didn't think you'd be that stu...not smart." He looked at the bottle - 5% acidity. It burned his tubes and stomach. "I thought I was going to die. I really couldn't breathe. I thought you were going to have to call 911 and have an ambulance come." Today he sounds like he has a really, really bad cold, but it's just his throat suffering the after effect of being burned by acid.

Last night we were laughing about the whole thing and he said "You're not going to put this on your blog are you?" "You bet I am. The whole world needs to hear about this. I still can't believe you did that."