What Else She Knows

Yesterday's post was all about the freedom we allow Libby. Today's post is about the rules we do have. Libby has such a kind, giving nature. It is my hope that these lessons will help "nurture her nature".

The motto in our home is "Hugs, not hits". A few months ago Libby started to hit when things did not go her way. We began putting her in time out if she hit again after being warned. But that resulted in way too many time outs in my opinion. One day after Libby hit me I looked at her and said "give hugs, not hits", and instead of hitting again, she crawled up in my lap and gave me a hug. So now we say it every time she hits. I have noticed that after the hug she is calmer and we are able to work with her to figure out whatever is frustrating her and how it can be fixed. Time out has moved from multiple times an hour to only a handful a day. I think the most important thing about this motto is that it teaches her to respect people and to find an alternative outlet for anger and frustration besides giving into her impulse to lash out.

Another boundary issue we have been working on is Libby's need to be "on" me all day. The lack of a lap made this neccessary, and a nursing infant will continue to make it neccessary. Libby was constantly climbing on me, and when she was hurt or sad, or even bored, she would say "me, me" and climb in my lap. Now I tell her "you may sit next to me, but you may not sit on me". This allows her the closeness she desires for cuddling while allowing me to maintain my personal space, and to keep her elbows and knees off my stomach. Now the only time she asks to be held is when she is hurt or very sad, and in those cases I do pick her up and hold her in my lap until she has recovered.

Libby loves dogs. At the park we see dogs all the time. Her normal approach was to bolt across the playground and get right in the dog's face. This is not a good thing, as a startled or unfriendly dog is likely to bite when approached like that. So I have been teaching Libby to walk slowly towards the dog and to stop a few feet away so I can ask the owner's permission for Libby to approach and pet the dog. Then she walks slowly up to the dog and holds her hand out so the dog can sniff her before she pets it. Last night was the first time an owner said no, and it was because the dog was uncomfortable around small children. So I explained to Libby that with this dog we needed to stay on the sidewalk and say hi to the dog by waving instead of petting. Not only is this a safety issue, but it also teaches her to respect animals and their need for space at times. If only we could transfer this lesson to the cat...

Libby loves to play. When she gets out her blocks, or pulls her books off the shelves, or makes any kind of mess with her toys, she is responsible for cleaning up. I tell her "It's time to clean up, I will help you". Saying that instead of asking her to help me teaches her that cleaning up her toys is her responsibility, not mine, but that I am willing to help her like she helps me with things that are my responsibility. If she refuses to clean I tell her that I am going to leave the room for a minute and that when I get back we will try again. Sometimes it's neccessary for me to leave 5 or 6 times before she will do her job, but the majority of the time she finishes the job the first time. Then I tell her I appreciate her willingness to clean up after herself because it helps me keep the house clean. So not only is she learning responsibility, she is also learning that being stubborn will not result in my doing the job for her. She is also learning that she plays an important part in maintaining our household. Hopefully this will translate into not much grumbling over chores in future years?

Libby knows what it means to "be gentle". We say this when she is being too rough with us, the cat, or with any of our belongings. Most of the time she remembers on her own and will say "dento" while softly patting whatever it is she's being gentle with. This teaches her respect for people, animals, and for our belongings, as well as her own. Now if she would stop the excited spazzing after Hobbit allows her to pet him gently, she would make it through the day with fewer scratches!

One of the more difficult lessons is how to behave in church. I think the difficulty lies in the fact that it's only for an hour a week, not an everyday lesson. But she has learned how to whisper and we do practice that during our at-home play, so that when we are in sacrament she will whisper while playing or looking at books. She is also learning that she needs to stay with us and not try to get to whatever the neighbor's kids are playing with. We purposefully search out seating that will surround mostly with adults and older kids to lessen the distraction and temptation for her. She knows to bow her head and be quiet during prayers, and she knows not to run in the halls. These rules teach her respect for the Lord's house and respect for other people's need for a quiet atmosphere so they can feel the Spirit during Sacrament meeting.

Some other lessons Libby has learned:

Splashing in puddles is always OK, unless we are on our way to church

Dancing is almsot always an acceptable activity, and she is never refused when she asks us to dance with her, because how cute is that?

Bugs are the coolest thing to watch. Since being on the third floor makes an ant infestation unlikely, when Libby finds one inside I allow her to observe it instead of killing it. She and Hobbit will sit quietly next to one another and watch the "Ay", each one occasionally reaching out to touch it. When I see a bug oustide I point it out to her so she can watch. This teaches her to not be afraid of nature.

Helping is always OK. Whether it's doing the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, vaccuming, unloading the dishwasher, wiping the counters, or making dinner, we always allow Libby to help, even if it means taking twice as long to do the job.

Holding hands in the parking lot is always a must.

She really can go up all the stairs on her own without me carrying her.

It's OK to wear your favorite purple and pink swirly imitation crocs to bed.

Cuddles and hugs and kisses are always welcome.

Climbing or putting your feet on the kitchen table is never OK (I think it's the only rule in our house that I don't have a good reason for, I just don't like it)

Eating crayons is NOT OK! (we're still working on this one. Anyone know when she'll grow out of this?)

The cat's bathroom is off-limits. Now when Libby finds his door open, instead of running in and dumping his food in his water bowl (or worse yet, playing in the toilet - GROSS!), she says "help" and shuts the door for us.

One lesson she just doesn't get: Hobbit is not a toy. He does not like to be chased. He does not like to be pushed off the chair. He does not like jumping on the bed. He does not like having things shoved in his face. Will she ever get this?

But the most important lesson she has learned:

We love her, and we always will. No matter what.